


The Floor Is Yours

by AppleSeeds



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Awkward Flirting, Aziraphale is So Done (Good Omens), Bad Puns, Dialogue Heavy, Flustered Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Meet-Cute, Mentioned Madame Tracy (Good Omens), Procurement manager Aziraphale, Sales rep Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:06:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleSeeds/pseuds/AppleSeeds
Summary: Hospital Procurement Manager Aziraphale meets with Crowley, a very attractive and tenacious Sales Rep who is determined to persuade him to buy his very special mops.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 143





	The Floor Is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Oops. I am having a break from writing, honest, but this popped into my head one night when I couldn't get to sleep so here goes! :-)

A timid knock on his office door drew Aziraphale’s attention away from the invitation to tender document he had been immersed in for the past three hours.

“Erm... excuse me, Mr Fell?”

“Ah, hello, Newton!” he greeted the Assistant Buyer cheerily. “Do you need something?”

“Er... yes. Sorry to bother you, but there’s a sales rep here and he wants to speak to you.”

“I don’t make a habit of speaking to sales representatives, Newton.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but he’s very insistent. Please, could you just, I don’t know, maybe talk to him really quickly?”

Aziraphale furrowed his brow and couldn’t miss the way Newton flinched in response. Good Lord, the young man was always so jumpy. Aziraphale had never thought of himself as being particularly intimidating, but Newton seemed to think so, and whenever Aziraphale did something nice, endeavouring to persuade him otherwise, his actions only ever seemed to render Newton even more twitchy. Aziraphale had _tried_ to convince Newton that he didn’t blame him for the way the entire contracts database had crashed on his first day in work at the very moment he touched the keyboard, but the Assistant Buyer seemed quite convinced that he was cursed.

“What is he selling?” Aziraphale asked with a sigh.

“Mops.”

“ _Mops_?” Aziraphale rubbed his forehead and leaned back in his chair. “Newton, tell him we already have a contract for mops, take his card and say we’ll be in touch when we’re inviting quotes when the contract runs out.”

“I _did_ say that; it didn’t work. He won’t leave. I’m really sorry, Mr Fell.”

Aziraphale sighed again, more emphatically this time. If Newton wanted to progress in Procurement he really needed to work on his assertiveness skills. Still, it might do Aziraphale good to get away from this tender document, and it _had_ been a long time since he’d chased away a sales rep, he hadn’t had that pleasure since before his promotion to Procurement Manager.

“Very well, lead the way.”

Newton, practically bouncing with relief, led Aziraphale to one of the office’s small meeting rooms, lingering by the doorway when they stepped inside.

“Mr Fell, this is Mr Crowley.”

“Just Crowley, please. Hi, nice to meet you.” The salesman plastered on a beaming smile and held out his hand. Out of a sense of decorum, Aziraphale shook it. He turned to the door to dismiss Newton, but found that he had already retreated back into the office.

In fairness, Aziraphale could see why the young man might be intimidated by this particular sales representative. He had a striking appearance, dressed in a tightly-fitting black, tailored suit over a dark grey shirt paired with a rather extravagant tie decorated with astronomical phenomena, and fashionable sunglasses perched on top of his head. His copper red hair was rather stylish too, cropped short at the sides but tousled artfully on top of his head, although a section of it had broken free and flopped intriguingly over his forehead, practically _inviting_ someone to reach up and brush it out of the way. The man was actually very attractive, but although that might have an effect on others, _Aziraphale_ certainly wouldn’t let that kind of thing distract him from his goal.

“I'm Aziraphale Fell. Newton informs me that you are selling mops,” Aziraphale began, not intending to stop at that, but breaking off as Crowley grinned and bent down (in an entirely undistracting manner), retrieving a cotton rope mop from the floor and placing it down on the meeting room table.

“Exceptionally _high quality_ mops.”

“Right, well, be that as it may, as Newton has already informed you, we don’t need any mops at the moment, we have a contract that covers them and I believe it runs until at least the end of the year. Thank you for your visit, Crowley.”

“Wait, please, let me tell you about them! These mops are incredible!”

“It very much appears to be an ordinary mop,” Aziraphale said sternly.

“Ah, well, that’s where you’re wrong!” Crowley smirked, and Aziraphale could hardly believe he had let himself be sucked in, and even given Crowley an opening! He must have been tired from all those hours spent staring at that same ridiculously long document. It _certainly_ wasn’t because he was distracted by the tightness of Crowley’s trousers and the way they’d hugged his backside rather snugly when he’d bent over. “This mop is more absorbent than any other mop you’ll find! Do you have some water? I can show you! _Exceptionally_ thirsty, this mop is,” Crowley explained, raising his eyebrows.

If somewhere in the back of his mind the words ‘I should _think_ so with you holding it’ crossed Aziraphale’s mind, then he would never need to admit it.

“I’m not questioning the absorbency of your mops, Crowley, but as I’ve said, we really aren’t in need of any. You’re welcome to leave your card with me for when our current contract comes to an end.”

“At least let me show you how good it is!” Crowley widened his eyes and even pouted slightly, jutting out his bottom lip in a way that was also not at all distracting and that didn’t make Aziraphale think about nibbling it.

“Crowley, this is a _hospital_. We don’t purchase standard rope mops, I’m afraid there is a far greater range of fluids we need to mop up here than simply water, if you understand my meaning.”

“Don’t worry, it’s really great at cleaning up blood too!” Crowley announced proudly.

“I will not ask how you came to know that, but that’s hardly the point. There are _special_ mops for cleaning up blood, for example, that are designed to disguise it. We can hardly have patients seeing a bright red sopping mop now, can we?”

“I have _red_ rope mops too! Once you wring them out you honestly can’t see the blood.”

“I appreciate your tenacity, but no matter how much you impress me, with your mop, I mean, I’m afraid my hands are tied.” Crowley’s eyes drifted down to Aziraphale’s hands then. “I do not think there is any point in discussing it further.”

“Right. ‘Course. Well then... do _you_ need a mop? For your kitchen maybe?”

“I have a perfectly serviceable mop at home already, thank you,” Aziraphale huffed, not quite believing his ears. This was a _very_ strange sales technique, and he’d seen _all sorts_ throughout his career.

“Oh, right. Obviously.”

“Which company are you with, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Whichever company it was, it might be worth avoiding them in the future.

“Er... what?”

“Well, I assume you’re not just an independent travelling _mop_ salesman?”

“Oh, I... er...” Crowley rubbed awkwardly at the nape of his neck and made a series of unintelligible sounds from the back of his throat. Aziraphale widened his eyes and leaned forward expectantly. “Nine Circles,” Crowley mumbled quietly.

“Nine Circles?” Aziraphale’s eyebrows knitted together. “My dear fellow, we have a _contract_ with Nine Circles! And I do believe it includes the provision of mops!”

“Oh... ah... really?”

Aziraphale squinted at the salesman and then stepped over to the desk in the corner of the room, taking a seat and wiggling the mouse to get the screen to come on. He opened up the contracts database and filtered on Supplier – Nine Circles, then Item – mop.

“Here, see?” he asked, rotating the chair to look at Crowley. Crowley shuffled closer and hovered at his side. “The contract covers four different types of mops.”

“Right.”

“Did you wish to speak about the contract? To add a new item to it? If so, you’ll need speak to the Contract Manager, who in this case would be Tracy. Would you like me to fetch her for you?”

“Nyeeaahh... er... no, no, that’s ok. Thanks.”

“Then I must say I really don’t know what this is about." Aziraphale paused then, realisation suddenly dawning on him. "Oh, I see, is this some kind of practical joke?”

“What? No! No, of course not!”

“Well, I’m sorry but I really don’t have time to talk about mops with you, Crowley, I’m afraid I’m a very busy man. I only personally handle contracts for large assets, _buildings_ and such like.”

“I’m considering selling my flat,” Crowley said lightly with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Look, I’ve made a right mess of this, obviously you’re busy, I’m really sorry for taking up your time. I just... I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh dear, has there been a problem with Tracy’s handling of the contract? If so, there really was no need for any pretence, you could have just asked to meet with me, but I feel I must tell you that I very much doubt her conduct to have been anything other than exemplary. However, if you have a grievance, you are well within your rights to raise it.”

“What? No! No, of course not, she’s great. Terrific.”

“What else could you need to speak to _me_ about?”

“Erm... ok... look, I was here a couple of months ago, you obviously don’t remember, I mean, why would you? Anyway, I was here to meet with Tracy, and I saw you, and you were talking to some delivery guy, and he gave you a roll of bubble wrap and you said, ‘thanks, I’ll just pop it over here,’ and I thought that was really funny, and then I heard you talking to that guy who was in here before, Newt, and he seemed really stressed and you were so lovely to him, and you just seem really nice and you look amazing and so yeah... I just wanted to talk to you,” Crowley rambled, finally stopping to draw breath.

Aziraphale parted his lips and stared at him, managing, “I see,” but not knowing what else to say. Crowley really did seem like a very sweet man, clearly with a mischievous streak that Aziraphale actually found rather endearing. He couldn’t quite believe all of this had just been an excuse to talk to him, and his heart fluttered with excitement.

“I’m sorry, this was really stupid. I’m an idiot. I’m gonna go, I really am sorry for wasting your time. It was really nice talking to you though. Erm... yeah, anyway...” Crowley shuffled backwards, but Aziraphale reached his hand out and gestured for him to stop, rising from the desk chair and stepping closer to him.

“Hold on for a moment please, Crowley. Just because I do not need to buy any mops, that doesn’t mean you don’t have _anything_ to offer that might be of interest to me.”

“What? _Really_?”

“Why don’t you sit down and we can see if we can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement?” Aziraphale said softly, gesturing to the meeting room table.

“Ngk. Ok. Right. Yeah. Let’s...” Crowley flopped down onto one of the chairs and leaned his elbows on the table. “So, erm... you said you only handle _large_ assets?” Crowley asked suggestively, then scrunched his eyes closed and winced. “Oh _fuck_ , sorry! I am _so_ bad at this!” Crowley cradled his head in his hands.

“Crowley, it’s all right. What can I do to make you feel more at ease?”

“I don’t know. Sorry for being so rubbish at this.”

“Well, I’m not expecting you to deliver a sales pitch or anything like that. Why don’t you make a proposal? How would you suggest we take this forward?”

Aziraphale reached across the table, avoiding the mop that was still lying between them, and gently touched Crowley’s elbow. He lowered his hands away from his face in response, and Aziraphale smiled reassuringly, pleased to see the way Crowley’s lips quirked upwards in return.

“Maybe I could take you out for dinner?” Crowley asked, now fiddling with the short sections of rope at the end of the mop.

“That sounds lovely, Crowley. How about sushi?”

“Yeah, ok, sounds great.”

“Wonderful. Would you like to suggest a time?”

“How about Friday? At 7?”

“Perfect. I’ll give you my card.” Aziraphale reached into his pocket and withdrew his wallet, finding one of his business cards and handing it over to Crowley, who smiled at it like he’d just been given a winning lottery ticket. Aziraphale felt heat rising in his cheeks and his heart started beating a little harder. He smiled gratefully when Crowley put his card in his pocket and handed over one of his own.

“It’s not a conflict of interests or something is it? ‘Cause I work for a company the hospital has a contract with? Don’t want you getting in trouble for fraternising with a supplier.”

“It is technically a conflict of interests, yes, but as long as I declare my interest it won’t prevent us from pursuing an outside arrangement.”

“And are you? Declaring your interest?”

“I dare say I am.”

“Ok, good. Great. Thanks.”

“In the interests of full disclosure, Crowley, I wasn’t intending to be funny with that comment about the bubble wrap. That’s a wonderful joke, though, I do wish I’d thought of it. Although, so as not to leave you with the impression that I may not be as capable of humour as you’d hoped, when you said you were here to speak about mops, had I not been trying to deter you, I would most certainly have said, ‘the floor is yours’.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows and Crowley laughed. “Well, you really wiped the floor with me.”

“Oh goodness gracious, that’s terrible!” Aziraphale chuckled. Crowley grinned and winked at him, prompting Aziraphale’s stomach to perform a few somersaults. Oh dear, Crowley really was extraordinarily handsome.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to work.” Crowley picked up his mop and twirled it around in the air. “See you on Friday, then.”

“Yes, I’m already looking forward to it,” Aziraphale smiled. “Take care, Crowley. Thank you so much for coming to see me today.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it! <3


End file.
